Hello friends, family, and strangers (I flatter myself)! I am a recently-graduated girl finding my way in the "real world" (apparently, I've been floating around the fake world for the past two decades). Many of my friends' "real world"s consist of cubicles, nine-to-fives, marriage, babies, and other such grown-up things. My real world looks a little different. Yes, I still get up and go to work every morning, same as they do. But instead of battling fax machines, computer programs, disgruntled spouses and dirty diapers, I arm myself against a legion of 14-year-old boys. Well, 83 of them to be exact. You see, I teach 8th-grade boys' Science in an inner-city, high-poverty school. What it is not: glamorous, prestigious, boring. What it is: humorous, heartbreaking, and the most challenging thing I will ever do.

The stories I tell and the people I describe are real; you can't make this stuff up. If you are new to my blog, I hope you'll start at the beginning and fall in love with its characters, just as I have.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Call me Mrs. Delhomme

All my kids think I am dating Jake Delhomme (the quarterback for the Carolina Panthers).  It started a couple of months ago on a Monday.

"Ms. M, what'd you do this weekend?"

"Oh, the usual.  Teacher stuff--you know, knitting sweaters, playing Bridge...OH and I went out with Jake Delhomme."

"Naww--you playin me? You went out with JAKE DELHOMME!?"

"I mean...it's no big deal.  We just went out to eat, nothing serious."

"Well...then tell him he SUCK! Tell him quit throwin' all them PICKS."

"Oh I do," I assured them.  "I'm only dating him for his money anyways."

"OHH!! Ms. M playin' Jake Delhomme!!"

By third block, girls were claiming that they had seen Jake pick me up from school a couple of times in his Lexus.  The other teachers insisted that I was telling the truth, and before I knew it, my name had changed from Ms. M to Mrs. Delhomme.  At lunch one day, Will was looking through my phone and noticed I had a Jake saved in my contacts.  Before I could stop him, he was calling the number and shushing everyone around him.  Funnily enough, the Jake he was calling is actually a teacher in a similar situation as I, and he DID play football at Alabama.  The voicemail picked up and a deep voice announced, "This is Jake.  Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible."  Will's eyes became wide as dinner plates.  "I JUST TALKED TO JAKE DELHOMME!!"

Not a day goes by without the kids asking me some sort of question about my relationship with Jake.  Apparently, the guy is married ("Ms. M--you know he's married, right?" "He is!?! Well then he's got a lot of explaining to do!").  No matter.  They pretty much believe everything that comes out of my mouth.  They all want me to bring him in as a guest speaker, or to score them tickets to a game, or to bring pictures of us together.  It's mildly amusing.  I think maybe tomorrow I'm going to stage a huge break-up.  Stay tuned...

I sent Will and Rashee out of first block today after they just walked out of class during the morning announcements.  During the announcements, they showed a clip of the last RMS football game, where--by the way---we got KILLED.  I mean, MURDERED.  They showed a clip of RMS getting picked off, then the other team running it back for a touchdown.  Why? I have no idea.  All the boys on the football team were up in arms.

"Mannn, why they SHOWIN' this?! They coulda at LEAST shown our field goal! Mann, they trynna burn us! They flamin' us bad!"

I had to agree, but I wasn't OK with anyone walking out of my class to go to the office to "do something about it."

Anways, I sent the boys out with instructions to write ten sentences and bring them back to enter the classroom.  Here are the sentences Rashee returned with, verbatim:

1. School is over rated
2. Class is over rated
3. school is boreing
4. Your class has turned boring and lame.
5. We should get married
6. Dump Jake delhome
7. I will stay in my seat. (LOL J)
8. This is wack
9. I will never do this Agin (write senteces)
10. Never Agin.
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4 comments:

  1. GailNovember 5, 2009 at 7:45 AM

    oh Kiley, only you could stage such a thing! keep it up... i know deep down those kids love you, even when they don't show it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. ErNovember 5, 2009 at 7:01 PM

    HAHAHAHA... I wish Richmond and Charlotte were closer!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousNovember 6, 2009 at 8:45 PM

    You know Kiley, I'm beginning to think that you aren't actually teaching but are staging an elaborate hoax. You're actually somewhere really nice, coming up with all these stories just to stir PR for a book you're coming out with. I would have made that last sentence spicier by adding a possible title, but I'm not as witty as you are. You are writing the book after all :) Love you Kiley and I'm really going to miss you over Thanksgiving! Make sure you're home for a little bit for Christmas so I can see you! Oh and also, just to stir memories of simpler times here's an inside joke for you: "Spice it up! said the Trucker Cheerleader"

    ReplyDelete
  4. LyndseyPNovember 9, 2009 at 6:22 AM

    Wait...but you really are dating Jake Delhomme, right?

    ReplyDelete

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