ZING!

It's going to be a culture shock when I return to normal society in a few months. I'm going to have to readjust before I enter the professional world because I've been anything BUT professional for the past two years. Case in point:

"There are three major factors that affect ocean life: STD. No, not Sexually Transmitted Diseases; Sunlight, Temperature and Depth."

My one-liner has worked; all 28 heads snapped up at the mention of 'STD.' Raquon, the class smartass, was among them.

"Ms. M got an STD!!"

"Yup, that and these shoes were the only two things your dad gave me when we were together."

I watch with satisfaction as the tiny chuckles in response to Raquon's quip turn to wide-eyed, hysterical laughter.

Twenty minutes later we're talking about producers and consumers. Producers make their own food, consumers must eat other organisms to gain energy. I ask the class what humans are, and they correctly answer 'consumers.' Raquon wants to come out on top again, so he tries to trip me up. "Naww, humans producers. I'm a producer."

"You are? How so?" I ask.

He gives me a self-assured grin. "I produce my own sperm!"

"Yes but do you eat it?"

"WHAT!?"

The class explodes again.

"I said producers make their own food. So if you eat the sperm, then you've made a valid point... Of course that's only assuming it's your own. If it's someone else's, you would still be a consumer."

My students don't really know what to do with themselves at this point. They're falling out of their desks and Raquon, for once, is silent. I didn't really want to go there, but who could have predicted that drastic change in topic? I'm just trying to keep up, here. Talking about eating sperm with a classroom full of 14-year-old boys was definitely not on the short list of things I'd envisioned myself doing when I accepted Teach for America's offer.

But then again, what has been?

You live you learn.