That's A Wrap.

I walked out of room 525 and closed the door by behind me. For the last time, I stepped out of the double doors near the plaza and walked to my car across the pothole that is our parking lot.

How many days have I waited for this moment? How many countdowns have I created in my head? How many times have I told myself or someone else "I don't think I can make it 'til the end"? How often have I fantasized about this day?

I think I thought that it would be like last year. I would sprint to my car and drive the whole way home with my windows down, music blaring: nothing but relief and joy. Instead, I find myself either in tears or on the verge of tears at any second. It is difficult to put into the words all the emotions I feel right now, but I will try.

First, I think I am crying because I tend to over-sentimentalize everything (such a white girl). I sobbed through the last episode of Friends because it happened to air the last week of my high school career, and I basically thought I was Rachel, saying goodbye to all my friends. If the last episode of a 90s sitcom can do it, you can bet a two year life phase will. Though short, it has also been the most meaningful; I have grown up more during these two years than I had in the past 23.

The people I've met here have challenged me, inspired me and made this difficult experience a sweet one as well. I think of Ms. J across the hall, who made me feel welcome on my first day and helped me and encouraged me more than she'll ever know. I think of Mr. E next door who made me laugh on the days when I'd be crying otherwise. I think of Mrs. M, who prayed with me in the mornings and for me at night--a tangible reminder of God's faithfulness. I think of Ms. F and Ms. Z, who inspired me to be a better teacher. I think of the two Ms. Ts that kept me on my toes and cracking up on a daily basis. I think of Ms. A who hugged me when I cried and Ms. L who stood up for me. These are people who I'd never have met otherwise, and I'm so thankful that our lives intersected for a moment. I'm better for it.

And ohhh, the kids. I will never see most of them again, and that was a sad realization as I watched their buses pull away from the school Friday. One-hundred and eighty days we spent together--180 LONG days. There were days I wanted to strangle all of them, there were moments when I wondered how I'd ever leave them. And now I say goodbye to them with a lump in my throat; despite their rudeness, entitledness and lack of respect, by the grace of God I walk away with nothing but love for them. I prayed that the Lord would show me these children through his eyes, then wondered every day why he didn't. Well he was and he did. Take Shakeem, who stole everything he could get his hands on and cursed at me under his breath more than once. When I think of him, I first remember his willingness to laugh at himself and the the desire to please shining eversofaintly from his eyes. I remember him fondly, as I do all of them.

I will miss this city, this house, and the friends that have made it home here. Ms. P, Ms. G, E, Ms. K, Ms. F, Ms. S, Mr. C, Mr. B, Mr. R...couldn't have done it without them. They filled this experience with fun and laughter. They kept me grounded. They are the star players in some of the most precious memories I've made to date.

...did I mention I was sentimental? How many people are still reading?

Secondly, I am afraid of the future. How many times does God have to pour lavish blessings on my head and provide for me beyond what I need for me to realize I'm taken care of? I'm afraid because I don't have a plan, I don't have a direction and I don't have a clue what I'm going to do next. At 25, that's kind of scary. Shouldn't I have at least an idea?

Lastly and most importantly, I am touched by God's faithfulness to me. I've already mentioned it (and in the next breath doubted it), but how sweet it is to finish up these two years and see it. Everything I asked for, He gave it times ten. He gave me support, love, fun, laughter, joy, meaningful work, a home, encouragement and so many other things I can't even think of right now. He carried me through this emotionally-draining job and spiritually-draining school. He taught me so much. He used me for good things. He protected me from bad things.

My words are trite.

As Mrs. M pointed out: We began this journey crying and we leave it crying; we've come full circle. I know that my overall sentiment when looking back on this will be one of fondness and affection. I'll remember the challenges and the days when I'd rather run off the road and hit a telephone pole than go to school (see posts 1-50), but more than that I'll remember the fun I had.

I know that this chapter has been preparing me for what's next, and it's okay that I don't know what that is right now...

...if it's half the roller-coaster, rewarding, hilarious journey this has been, IMMA BE STRAIGHT. Thanks for reading, keeping up, praying, laughing and crying along with me. Stay tuned!