One Week...

That's all I have left.

I've taught for 355 (!) days and have five left. That's so...surreal. I still feel like I will be held hostage within RMS' halls for a lifetime. Like August 25th will roll around and I'll be back in room 525, giving my "Welcome to 8th grade science" speech. Again.

I've been looking forward to this since the day I started, and now that it's here, I don't believe it. I guess I feel like something grand and momentous should happen to mark the occasion/bring closure...like...a kid come to me and through tears tell me how I've changed his life and how he's already gotten his scholarship letter from a prestigious college....

...or...fireworks should be shot inside the building and blow the roof off to reveal a giant "YOU DID IT MS. M!!!" written in the clouds (by God, of course).

or I walk outside the building and an emotional song plays over the loudspeakers while my students parade behind me, sobbing and waving streamers.

I don't know. Something like that. Instead, many of my kids have been suspended for the rest of the year, meaning I won't say bye to them at all. The rest who don't just stop coming will get on my nerves up until the bell rings for 5th block on the very last day, when they will exit out of the door and my life.

I suspect that then I will be the only one crying. Crying out of relief, a little regret that I couldn't do better, a lot of sadness for the sad culture I was immersed in but couldn't (and can't) change, knowledge that I will miss these knuckleheads and always wonder about them, fear for their futures, fear for my future,

do I need a new paragraph? or at least sentence?

gratitude toward the Lord for His faithfulness, humility at what He taught me, and amazement at how much I've been forced to grow up and toughen up over the last few years.

Already crying? Seriously, M.

A word of encouragement, straight from my final survey...

"Ms. M always gave it her all and did her best, even when we was actin' crazy."

I might not have been the greatest, most inspiring, heroic teacher ever, but that was never my prayer. My prayer was that, in spite of my shortcomings, the kids would recognize just that: I was trying my best for them. I don't think my efforts would have meant as much without the bad attitudes, disrespect, ingratitude and misbehavior. After all, God's love for us wouldn't be as amazing and compelling if we were obedient and perfect.

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

Amen.