Hello friends, family, and strangers (I flatter myself)! I am a recently-graduated girl finding my way in the "real world" (apparently, I've been floating around the fake world for the past two decades). Many of my friends' "real world"s consist of cubicles, nine-to-fives, marriage, babies, and other such grown-up things. My real world looks a little different. Yes, I still get up and go to work every morning, same as they do. But instead of battling fax machines, computer programs, disgruntled spouses and dirty diapers, I arm myself against a legion of 14-year-old boys. Well, 83 of them to be exact. You see, I teach 8th-grade boys' Science in an inner-city, high-poverty school. What it is not: glamorous, prestigious, boring. What it is: humorous, heartbreaking, and the most challenging thing I will ever do.

The stories I tell and the people I describe are real; you can't make this stuff up. If you are new to my blog, I hope you'll start at the beginning and fall in love with its characters, just as I have.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Nothing like opening a text book at the end of the day to find yourself crudely drawn in a sexual position with the caption "SUCK IT, GIRL!"

Come to think of it, there's also nothing like starting the day to find that someone has located your lotion, taken it and spewed it all over the back of the room for fun.

Nothing like realizing that at the end of the day, no matter how hard your work or how patient you are, you won't gain an ounce of respect from the people you do it all for. That you're not going to change the lack of respect and integrity that has plagued a culture for generations. That you absolutely can't force anyone to value something, even if that something is the best thing for them. That tomorrow, you can be absolutely 100% certain you will be disrespected on a personal level. Just like you were today. And yesterday. And the day before.

I'm not speaking about race. I'm not speaking about socioeconomic status. I'm speaking about a self-repeating culture. A pervading mindset that explains why many of the parents of these kids schedule conferences not to collaborate on a plan to help him succeed in the future, but with a list of grievances with the school/administration/teachers to explain why their kid is in trouble in the first place.

HELLO. It's not my fault. IT'S YOURS. And maybe it's not yours entirely. But it's DEFINITELY not mine.

I hate this job.

I want to punch whoever drew that picture in the face repeatedly.

I know we're talking about middle-schoolers. Stupid, hormonal middle-school boys. But those are the people I interact with more than anyone else. So I feel violated. I feel cheapened. I feel like there is no value in what I'm investing my time, heart and energy into. I don't want to go back.

But I will. There's no promise that tomorrow will be better, but there's a promise that this ends in four months. And that somehow the Lord is working in those dark, sinister hallways of RMS. I know because I'm in those same hallways, and He's in me.
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3 comments:

  1. SusanJanuary 27, 2011 at 6:50 PM

    Amen, girl! You keep bringing the Holy Spirit into that school, and know that a lot of prayers are being sent with you.

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  2. A fly on the wallJanuary 28, 2011 at 5:24 AM

    This just made me cry...and made me angry...and made me want to punch that kid repeatedly in the face right after you! I don't know how you've done it, but don't forget how much you've been used there. Some of the people who most made a difference in my life were my teachers. You are an amazing, strong woman and don't ever forget that! I love you!

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  3. toriJanuary 31, 2011 at 3:15 PM

    i know a couple RMS boys you made a big, positive impact on... they are at HUHS now! :)

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