Newton, help me.

Today was picture day.  It was funny getting all the boys ready; they are just as concerned with their appearances as the girls.

"Ms. M, you gotta mirror?"

"Maaann, wish I'd known today was picture day."

"Why, Jemon? Why does it matter?"

"Mann, 'cause I'da gotten up earlier and fixed my hair, THAT'S why."

"Jemon, you don't have any hair."

"You wrong for that, Ms. M."

Our school requires that we line the middle schoolers up to go everywhere.  They are to walk in the halls silently in a single file line.  Do you know how difficult it is to get them to do that? It is the bane of my existence, and theirs.  No, I don't know why it's the rule, but please just freaking do it so we don't have to walk back out and do it all over again. And again.  And again.

Ohh, the line.  Teachers judge you by it.  Students test you with it.  If your class is out of line, you suck as a teacher.  If your class is silent and single-file, you could be teaching them how to google porn in class and they'd still think you were the best teacher on the planet.

Unfortunately, my line usually falls in the former category.  It zig-zags and curves, often with several gaps, always accompanied with noise and pushes and shoves.  Ms. F raises her eyebrows as we pass by.  My assistant principle notices and makes eye contact with me.  It's sad that I might very well feel more pleased with myself if at the end of the year we had a flawless line than if they knew they steps of the scientific method.

Today we created a geologic timeline (the earth's entire history).  I started off by having them create their own lives' timelines.  I asked for volunteers to share.  Here are the highlights:

Me--"JORDAN. Get away from the window. Quit watching the girls play ball. Come read us your timeline."

Jordan--"Aright. I wuz born October 12, 1995.  Then, in 2000, I went to kindergarten.  In 2005 i started growin my hair out, August 2006 I got dreads, and now (September 16 2009) I have long dreads."

Me--"Jordan, you're right. You really do belong with the girls.  Your whole life's timeline--centered solely around your hair"

Jordan--"Yeah, see I TOLD y--wait, wait.  Naw Ms. M you dirty for that."

Rashee--"Well, I was born December 2, 1995, I moved to Charlotte April 15, 2000.  My grandmother died October 28, 2003.  I graduated elementary school in May 2006, and on August 28, 2009 I met the love of my life.  That's you, Ms. M.  You really on my timeline, you can come check."

Then when we actually got into the discussion about the history of the earth:

"How did the humans not get eaten by the dinos?"

Me: "The whole history of earth is cut into two Eons."

"How did they cut the earth in half??"

Me: "...and the rock layers tell us about the history of earth, even before humans existed."

"Ok well how do all the rocks stick on the earth's core?"

Me: "Gravity.  Anyways, the enviromental ch--"

"Well how do gravity get IN the earth?

Me: It doesn't get in the earth.  Or anything.  It's just there. It's a physical force. But like I was saying, environmental changes inf--

"Ok right but there ain't no gravity in space, am I right?"

Me: "Yes, but--"

"Ok so HOW DO GRAVITY GET IN THE EARTH? HOW DO IT GET IN THERE?"

"What did the first person do? Wasn't he just bored just sittin around there? Did he just wake up and there he was or how did he get there? How did he have more humans?"

Me: "Well there had to be more than one for reproduction."

"Yeah but how did they learn how to have sex?"

Most of my students failed our first test.  Apparently, I'm an awesome teacher.  And how does gravity get in the earth, anyway?