putting the good in good-bye

I looooove being a teacher.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "This fool has complained all year long about her job. At least half of her posts involve tears. If being melodramatic was at all useful in the educational field, she would have won Teacher of the Effing Century back in September."

Well, you're right.

But as I sit here typing this, I can see from my bed a desk free of all papers and planners. Where text books and workbooks once rested, David Sedaris, J.D. Salinger, Fitzgerald and Rick Bragg now smile back at me. That's because yesterday I threw away the massive stack of ungraded papers cluttering my workspace. Just THREW THEM AWAY. My gosh, it was like I actually threw away all the bad memories from last year and lost ten pounds in the process. There's nothing like starting fresh is there?

.....Which is what I did with my pantry today--after I threw away all the expired stuff, 409-ed the hell out of it, installed new shelves and organized staples into categories. I've walked by and opened the door about five times just to look in and pat myself on the back. Each time I do, I catch a whiff of gumbo--which we began cooking six hours ago and finished simmering two hours ago. My baseboards are clean, my dog is walked, my eyebrows are plucked. These are all things that completely fell by the wayside...oh...six months ago.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, IT IS SUMMER. While my friends used to complain about their jobs, I'd bite my tongue not to be the obnoxious one-upper (Oh, your lunch break got cut down to an hour and you no longer have the time to make it to La Petite Gargotte for brunch specials?? I had to eat cafeteria beanies and weenies because someone PISSED in my tupperware.). I can now lend a sympathetic ear...then get back to my book. I can sleep late, go to the pool, travel and shop--all during the middle of the day!! True, you'll more likely find me organizing my closet or doing laundry, but the option is there! And I am loving every minute of my home improvements and midday errands. I'm free as a bird and happy as a lark. And I love. My. Job.

The last day of school was very anti-climatic. I am one of the most sentimental people you'll come across, so I had envisioned tearful goodbyes, meaningful conversations, remorseful students apologizing for their abuse, kids clinging to my skirts...you know, something along the lines of this:

Goodbye
Just substitute "Ms. M" for "Wilson."

NOPE. I didn't really even get to say goodbye to most kids; several of them just kind of stopped coming the last week. I brought a disposable camera and took pictures of myself with all my boys, but that got stolen in fourth block. When the final bell rang, I stood in my ransacked room and felt...I don't know. Not sad. Not happy. Kind of sad that I wasn't sad? I would miss some of those boys, but that was tempered with the relief I felt to have my first year behind me. More than anything it was strange. I spent more time with those kids than I did with anyone else this year--my family, my friends, my dog...I saw them every. single. day. They saw me at my worst , at my best on my good days, and all the days in between. And there were a lot of them. Now, I wouldn't be seeing them at all--several of them probably ever again. I wonder if teachers ever get used to that feeling.

I will always wonder about those boys...where they ended up...who they became...

Rosie and Ananias did call me last Saturday night. I didn't recognize the number but picked up anyway.

"Ms. M? It's Rosamuel. We over at Ananias house. We wanted to say hey."

"Yeah, Ms. M. This Ananias and guess what. Brittany dumped me."

I laughed. "Sorry to hear that, Ananias. Maybe you won't be so cocky anymore though."

"I am NOT cocky. I jus' know I look good. But we gotta go, we'll talk to you later."

It's funny. I know that when I look back on this experience I'll forget most of its heartache and growing pains and use words like "fun," "exciting" when I recount it. That's just the way it usually goes.

And I'm left with only one nagging question:
Now that my life is back to the mundane...What the HECK do I do with this blog??

What do you think?