Started Back at One

"I like yo watch." x6 (only funny if you've seen it--it's huge and gaudy)

"You play sports or sumthin'? You look real athletic. Like a volleyball player or sumthin!'" (only funny if you know me)

My boys were mostly quiet today. But they tend to do that the first week, so we'll see.

Walking in lines is still a bitch.

Cecil and his mustache are going to be a lot to handle(bar). Their joined forces have the power to wreak havoc.

I was afraid to show my personality at all today, and class was actually kind of boring (?!). The best part of this job is getting to know the kids, but I'm holding them at arm's length for fear of them becoming too comfortable around me.

Speaking of comfortable, someone in first block got a little too relaxed and let out the most giant fart I've ever heard. I laughed. Good thing I have that air freshener.

Under Pressure

It is the night before my first day. Well, my second first day. Which is infinitely better than the first first day, but still a little scary. I've made my copies, finalized my lesson, set up my room and said my prayers.

I know you're ready for entertaining stories where someone jumps out my window or tries to date me or imitates my mannerisms, but honestly I'm not. It might make for a boring blog, but I'd actually like to come home and write:

"Today in first block I taught the difference between relative and absolute age. I didn't get interrupted. Everyone stayed in their desks and did all of their work. Dante called Anthony "fat," but I got on to him and he apologized. Then I did the same thing three more times and called it a day. The end."

I feel the tremendous pressure to set things up perfectly tomorrow to ensure that that vision is more of a reality. Here we go...

Laters.

A Feast for Your Eyeballs.

Tonight was open house. I met some really sweet boys, along with a certain "Cecil" who declared he wanted sit in the far back corner and tried to give me dap when I reached out to shake his hand. Though he was only 5 feet tall, he had a mustache. Rock on, Cecil. You're sitting front and center.

Here are some pictures of my classroom. I really like it...hope you do too!


Back of the room.

Insert me here, squinting at the computer screen trying to conjure last year's login password from the depths of my cerebrum. Was it "JESUSSAVEME" or "xanaxplease"? I just can't remember...

Christmas lights make me happy. So happy.

So do ficus trees and lava lamps.

If you were an 8th grade boy, you would love to be here, wouldn't you? I wish you could smell the lavender and vanilla to get the full effect.

Calm in the midst of chaos. I kept thinking about this Seinfeld episode. Classic. Should be my new class mantra.

Whatcha say?

*special thanks to E for helping me acquire/transport many of the items pictured and for photographing the room with her supercool phone that does way more things than mine does.

Let's Hear it for the Boys!

4 A GOOD TIME CLICK HERE .

Not only is the song appropriate, this is also the most awesome part in the most awesome movie ever in the history of forever.

Got my rosters today and noticed two things immediately:
1. My classes are small!!! The biggest is 22. The smallest two are 17!
2. Most of the names seemed masculine. I was fairly certain about the Dequaviuses and Levontes, but names like Essa and Neeka were a little more ambiguous.

When I took the lists to a co-worker for confirmation, she kindly suggested I look in the "Gender" column to see.

Duh.

Gender:
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M

Looks like it's me and my little men again this year. Saddle up, y'all.

To Cry or Not to Cry?

The past week and a half, I have been on a see-saw, teetering precariously between anxiety attack and hopeful excitement. Par example:

Ohmygosh am I going to have the same four rules? And what am I going to do WHEN they won't follow them, because you know they won't. ...How do I establish authority and gain their respect right off the bat? What tone of voice do I use? How do I set things up so they are invested and excited to come to class? I can't. I didn't last year. Why would this year be any different?

But then:

This year will be SO much better than last. You are miles ahead of where you were last year. You have the opportunity to fix so many mistakes! You have a fresh start! New kids! New perspective! I can't wait to meet them all and get to know them. I can't wait for the exciting year of work where I have the unique opportunity to impact dozens of kids!

It varies not from day to day, but from minute to minute. I haven't slept a solid night in a week, and I haven't been able to remember where I put ANYTHING...ok, those of you who know me are thinking, "She NEVER remembers where she put anything." You're right. But it's even WORSE lately! Today when I drove to school for the first time since June 10, my palms started sweating. That has never happened to me before as a physical reaction to anxiety.

But this minute, right now, I'm excited. I spent all day (and way too much money) on something I enjoyed: getting things to make my classroom pretty and comfortable. Last year, I didn't put much effort into how the room looked because it wasn't a top priority at that point. But the truth is, I spend more time in that classroom than I do at home, so I might as well enjoy being in it. And my kids might as well feel comfortable and welcome there...

Call me what you will, but I actually googled feng shui to research what kind of colors, sounds and scents create a calm atmosphere. I'm not usually into that New Age-y stuff, but I'm desperate here. And it couldn't hurt! I scoured office supply, craft, thrift and general stores for:

-soft lighting
-blue tones
-lavender/vanilla scents

Yes, I am a loser.

I'm actually excited to go in and make it pretty in there! I'll try to post pictures when I'm through.

Today I found out that while I was out of the country, one of my students was shot and killed.

He was one of my oldest students because he repeated 8th grade, but that still only made him fifteen. He was always getting in trouble, always trying to make people laugh. He'd curse at me one day then hug me the next and ask to help me move desks. I tried to be patient with him, but I wasn't a lot of the time.

I wish I could go back and hug him.

Tell him how much I admired him for being so resilient.

Tell him he didn't need to impress anyone. That he wasn't dumb because he failed 8th grade. That I thought he had a kind heart. That I cared about him.

But these words and gestures seem trivial now.

So I read his obituary and cry.

Uh-oh.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Phil Collins style.

School. It starts soon.

Which means the nightmares have already begun. Literally. Every night. I won't bore you with the details (don't you just hate it when people tell you every detail of their boring dreams and they last FOREVER?? Yeah, I've done it before too. Sorry.), but they're scary.

When I first started teaching, TFA showed us a diagram that was supposed to chart our emotions over the course of a school year. It looks like this:



My friend Sara redrew it to represent a more accurate account of what truly takes place:



Funny right? (You can check out her blog here)

I want to start off this year so much better and do a much better job (boy, that was eloquent, was it not?), but DARE I DREAM?? I've had expectations before and where did that get me? Oh yeah, waving scissors in children's faces.

BUT. I learned so much last year...about myself, about the profession, about the kids, about the Lord...And I'm still here, which means I still have a job to do. So I remain cautiously hopeful, timidly excited. As terrified as I am to begin year two, I'm eager to see what the Lord has in store. As many people have expressed to me over the summer--you are too! I hope that for a lot of you, this has become more than a collection of entertaining stories. I hope it's become a very real portrait of a group of kids who fly under the radar so often and who need love and stability more than you can imagine and more than I can give.

Will you pray for the new group of kids coming August 25? Will you pray that God will equip me with everything I need to serve them? It makes me excited to know that so many of you will.

I was talking to my dear friend SK today. She taught with me at RMS last year (meaning she laughed with me, cried with me and prayed with me on a day-to-day basis. In that order). We were imagining what it would be like to teach in a wealthy private school. You know, where kids cared about their grades and did what you told them to do (!?). As many tears as it would save us, we decided that it would be...well, dull. Along with the tears, it would also save us a lot of laughter and excitement. Even though most days we forgot our kids were kids and thought of them as "The Enemy," God answered our prayers that we would walk away with love for them; in an inexplicable way we are still drawn to them.

This was supposed to be a really short post.

Oh guess what? I'm teaching mixed gender classes this year! Which means girls! And bigger class sizes! And who knows what else! I'm off to go plan...